Three Strikes And You're Out
by LeeCan
Summary: Chuck and Sarah have tried and tried. They realize they have only one more shot at it.


A/N: Another Brickroad Challenge story.

I am certain I'm writing this story because I can't seem to work on Only Two Options. Anyway hope you enjoy.

Chapter One

"What makes you think we can make it work this time? We've tried twice before and you remember how that turned out?" she said.

Sarah sat facing Chuck in their favorite pizza shop sitting in their favorite booth.

"Sarah, I'm miserable. I can't eat. I can't sleep and then when I do, I have nightmares of you falling in love with some other guy. This isn't working for me. Can you honestly tell me you're happy right now?"

Sarah dipped her head and a single tear fell from her eye and landed on the table top. She pulled her hair back and tucked it in behind her ear and then quickly peered into Chuck's eyes.

"I'm miserable too. But I was miserable when we were together at the end." She looked at him imploringly with her sad blue eyes and wiped away the remnants of her tears. "I can't go through that again. I don't think we have but one more try left in us. I'm afraid if we try now and fail-" She looked away not able meet his gaze as she said what she had to say. "That it'll be over and I'm scared. Even though we're not together right now I know we still have a chance. I can't imagine how I would feel if I didn't have that to hang onto."

Chuck had no argument for that. Sarah saw agreement in his expression and that told her that he had the same fear.

"Sarah, it's my fault. I just need to man up. I've got to let some of that fear go."

"Chuck it's not your fault and it's not my fault. It's the situation we find ourselves in. I can't tell you about my past and I can't tell you about details of my missions that I go on outside our team. I know it drives you nuts but I'm helpless to do anything about it."

"Sarah, I know too much about what you do. What you're asked to do and every time you're asked to go out alone, I imagine the worst."

"I'm very experienced at this now. The chances of me doing what you imagine are close to zero."

"We both know you would never tell me if you had to do something like that."

Sarah silently regarded Chuck without answering which was all the answer that he needed.

"I don't blame you…really I don't. I blame the CIA for asking you to degrade yourself like that."

Sarah sat her glass down hard on the table.

"It's time we cleared the air on this. I've held my tongue for too long now, afraid I would hurt your feeling, that it would be too painful for you." Her blue eyes smoldered with an anger Chuck had seldom seen before.

"You and I have a fundamental disagreement on this issue. I know you think the CIA has me hopping in and out of bed with marks all over the world. I really shouldn't be telling you this but I've been at this for close to ten years now. Yeah, I've been in bed with countless marks…but I've only had to…shall we say, 'give my all for my country' one time. That was only because of my inexperience and I didn't administer the drug properly."

"Now, did I enjoy it? No…but am I ashamed by what I did?" Sarah's jaw was set in defiance to Chuck's point of view. "Not one bit. I saved a lot of lives by pretending to enjoy that intimacy. And… that was the only way to save those lives. So don't try to make me out as some kind of slut because what I did had nothing to do with sex."

Chuck bumbled around and fumbled with his words. "Sarah, I've never said you were a slut."

"Well either I am or I'm not. The CIA has never made me do anything that I disagreed with. So you need to get over that."

"I'm sorry Sarah, I had no idea you thought that I thought you were a slut."

Her face softened. "Look Chuck, I love you. If something happened and I had to do something that I would rather not do…it wouldn't change how I feel about you. Surely you know that?"

He was silent for a while and Sarah knew enough to let him filter it though.

"I get it, Sarah. It may take me a while but I'll get my head around it. Chuck was looking down at his plate but looked up suddenly. "But now it's my turn."

Sarah sat her fork in her plate. "Ok, " she said waiting for Chuck to say what he had to say.

"I know you say you can't tell me anything about you're past life and about your missions but why is that?"

"It's against the rules," she said somewhat smugly.

"That's a load of crap. With us being out for dinner together, isn't that against the rules too? You somehow manage to break that rule."

"As long as we are protecting our cover it is permissible."

"Just listen to yourself. That's as much BS as I've ever heard from you. How is our going out on a date furthering our cover if there's no one here that we know?"

Sarah's expression told Chuck she was at a loss for words.

"You've chosen to disregard that rule because you're comfortable with us going out to eat together. Just like you have chosen to keep me in the dark about your past life and your missions."

"Chuck, you're making this sound way to simple. It's not that cut and dried."

"What it is, Sarah, is that you've chosen to keep me in the dark about your life and your missions because that makes it easier for you. Do you really think that I believe that we are the only asset and agent to every fall in love? Don't play me for a fool."

Sarah looked a bit desperate and her voice betrayed the same emotion. "It's in your best interest if you're not aware-"

"Don't give me that. You keep me in the dark because it's easier for you. Being open and honest with me about your life and your missions are for some reason outside your comfort zone. The truth is you've told me goodbye twice without even seriously considering letting me in. Don't you know that I would die before I told anyone anything that you told me in confidence? What it come down to is that I don't mean as much to you as your need to maintain your security blanket wrapped tightly around yourself. You've proven that twice. You know that if you tell me all your secrets you are in effect binding us together for all time and that scares the shit out of you."

Sarah looked at Chuck with a slack jaw. She searched for an argument but deep down she knew that none existed. Yet she lacked the fortitude to give in.

"You're not in the business. You don't understand."

"That's easy enough to say. But really, I am in the business, otherwise we wouldn't even be talking about this. Look, I listened to you and your point of view. I am man enough to see your point. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy for me but it's got to be easier than what I'm going through right now. If we don't take a shot at this right now, you'll know why. Are you really going to live with the fact that I was able to face my demons while you could not?"

Sarah began to cry as she realized that Chuck was right. Yet she was unsure if she had the courage to open up the barriers that protected her from her inner demons. "Chuck, I don't want to lose you."

"Trust me Sarah. I will never hurt you. Let's meet each other half way. I promise to be open about your missions if you promise to be open about your life, past and present."

"I don't know how to do what you ask." Tears rolled down her cheeks now as the realization hit her that what Chuck asked her to do was the only thing that would keep them together. She feared she lacked the ability to do what she now knew she had to do. Her need to keep some things private was overwhelming.

"It's OK Sarah. Tell me just one thing about your childhood. We'll start with something simple. What was your third grade teachers' name…anything."

Sarah sat looking at her plate. Her tears ran like a stream. She knew she had to say something or lose the love of her life forever. Without ever having the third try at making a go of it. She tried to say something but could not. She began to cry harder when she heard Chuck stand up to leave.

"I'll get a ride home. I'll pay for the pizza too. I love you Sarah, but you have to meet me half way. I see now that that's not possible."

Sarah watched him leave from the periphery of her vision. When he was out of sight her tears exploded.

"Miss, are you alright?" the waiter asked.

"Leave me alone," she wailed.

For some reason she thought about what life would be like without Chuck in five years, in ten years and then in twenty years. They were all the same…lonely.

She sat at the table for about five minutes thinking that her life was over and that it was her own fault. Chuck was able to meet her half way on his issue and yet she could not budge even an inch.

For some reason she flashed on the memory of her father trying to teach her to jump of the cliffs at their home when she was a little girl. She would never jump into the water below.

"Sarah, you have to just do it. Don't think… just jump. That's the only way you'll end up where you want to be. Before you have time to think…jump."

Sarah smiled at the recollection of her beloved father. As she thought about his words of wisdom a smile formed on her tearstained lips. Before she had time to think she dialed a number on her phone. When she heard the answer on the other end, without waiting to hear what he had to say she said almost breathlessly.

"Mrs. Gibson. My third grade teacher's name was Mrs. Gibson." She hung up the phone and waited for the lanky man that she loved more than she feared her inner demons, to arrive. As she waited she smiled as she thought of a childhood recollection that she was determined to share with Chuck.


End file.
